Hand in Hand Parenting
Hand in Hand Parenting was the very first parenting approach I actively encountered, before then I was reading books and blogs (this was back before social media!) but I hadn’t actually studied or learnt any particular philosophy and it truly did change my life.
Around ten years ago, in Australia it was known as Parenting by Connection, I was deep in the early years of parenting. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and searching for a way to understand my children’s big behaviours, the usual methods of responding, like time outs, rewards and punishments didn’t seem to be working and they also didn’t feel aligned with how I wanted to parent.
Hand in Hand Parenting gave me a completely different lens.
It helped me see that behaviour is not something to control, but something to understand. That children aren’t giving us a hard time - they’re having a hard time. And that connection, not correction, is the foundation for cooperation, healing, and trust.
Founded by Patty Wipfler
Hand in Hand Parenting was developed and founded by Patty Wipfler, and is built on a powerful yet simple premise:
Lead with connection.
This approach supports parents, educators, and professionals to build more connected, playful, and joyful relationships with children through a trauma-responsive, relationship-based model grounded in decades of practical experience and evidence.
At its heart is the understanding that when children, and the adults who care for them, are emotionally supported, they naturally grow into compassionate, cooperative, creative leaders who contribute to thriving families and communities.
Parenting in an unsupported world
One of the reasons Hand in Hand resonated so deeply with me is that it doesn’t ignore the reality parents are living in.
So many parents are raising children with very little societal support. The work of caregiving is undervalued, isolating, and often overwhelming. Parents’ emotional needs are frequently neglected, leaving them depleted, lonely, and unsure of themselves.
Hand in Hand Parenting recognises that:
Parents need support too
Emotional overwhelm doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong
Burnout in parents, educators, and healthcare professionals is not a personal failure, it’s a systems issue
By offering tools that support both children and adults, this approach helps interrupt the intergenerational transmission of stress and trauma, allowing families and communities to heal and thrive.
The Five Hand in Hand tools
What makes Hand in Hand Parenting so accessible is its five simple, practical tools. These tools are easy to understand, deeply effective, and can be woven into everyday family life.
Honestly, there have been many mornings where I’ve used all five tools before we’ve even made it out the door.
Special Time: Put your child in charge for a short, focused chunk of time, while you offer your full, delighted attention. This builds connection, confidence, and emotional safety.
Setting Limits: Stop off-track behaviour with love and respect, while staying connected and calm. Limits become a place of safety rather than control.
Stay Listening: Listen deeply with warmth and presence during emotional storms. Tears, tantrums, and big feelings are welcomed rather than shut down.
Play Listening: Use play and laughter by taking the less powerful role. This supports emotional release, connection, and cooperation through joy.
Listening Partnerships: Parents exchange listening time with another adult to release stress, emotions, and overwhelm - because parenting was never meant to be done alone.
My personal doorway into this work: One of the most profound aspects of my journey with Hand in Hand Parenting was being listened to myself.
My mentor, Ann Hefferan, was instrumental in this. Through listening partnerships, she welcomed my tears, sometimes for the first time in my life.
Crying wasn’t minimised, rushed, or fixed.
It was welcomed.
It was celebrated.
It was held.
Through that experience, I felt profound shifts in my own nervous system, my anxiety, and my sense of safety. I began to understand - not intellectually, but embodied - what it feels like for a child when their emotions are met with presence instead of punishment, dismissal, or distraction.
This changed how I parented.
And it changed how I lived in my body.
I started to implement the tools in our family and very quickly I noticed significant changes with in myself and my children. Everyone in the house shifted and parenting felt completely different. Fun. Joyous. Connected. Calmer…. Honestly I really have Hand in Hand to thank for some very significant shifts in my world.
Weaving Hand in Hand into my clinical work
At the same time I was learning Hand in Hand Parenting, I was also:
In therapy doing my own inner work for anxiety
Deepening my studies and practice in CranioSacral Therapy
Working clinically with babies, children, and families
I began to notice powerful crossovers.
The way emotional release supports regulation.
The way being deeply listened to changes the body.
The way safety, presence, and attunement create lasting shifts.
Hand in Hand Parenting became a foundational layer that I naturally wove into my clinical and mentoring work, supporting families not just with what to do, but with how to be.
Visit the Parenting Courses page to see everything currently available. Courses designed to be practical, compassionate and deeply supportive of real family life.